I confess I love Loch Ness

One of the first books I can ever recall checking out of a library had to do with the Loch Ness monster. As a kid I was always fascinated with all the mysterious peripheries of the world and read voraciously on Big Foot, UFOs, the Bermuda Triangle, and anything else that hadn’t been “proven.” My sweetest tooth was always reserved for the Loch Ness monster though…it appealed to me on so many levels. For one, it didn’t seem evil or threatening to my nascent Christianity…though UFOs were intriguing they always unsettled me because their mystery seemed a bit too spooky which most likely stemmed from my own personal baggage. I also was a good swimmer and interested in the water and things in it. Before I was allowed to check out books on my own I can remember spending hours pouring over the Jacques Cousteau books which were like mini encyclopedias covering their voyages (as an aside, the fact that the character Steve Zissou had created a similar set of books featured in “The Life Aquatic” completely thrilled me and nailed me right in the thick of my sentimental heart.) Squid, starfish, sharks…all fascinating to me. So something unexplained living in the Loch thrilled me.

Wow. That’s a long preamble to tell you about the book I just finished reading. “The Loch” by Steve Alten is the sort of book that I try not to like…I feel dirty when I read “cheap” genre fiction like mysteries or horror. But when my friend Scott told me the premise of this book my curiosity was piqued too much to ignore the cheesy cover art that would have made put the book down immediately if I’d dared to pick it up in the first place. Assure by Scott that the book was not typical horror with gore or demonic energy I decided to give it a whirl. After 2 nights staying up until 4 AM to read it I finished it. It was the perfect guilty pleasure and a fun summer read. I won’t give all the details in case you might want to read it but it’s a retelling of the Loch legend with a Templar twist and plenty of cutting-edge scientific theories which makes for a compelling package. The writing is crisp if a bit spartan. His writing on sex and flirting is not at all compelling and I felt his expletives seemed a bit forced and unnatural. I also did not particularly enjoy reading through his attempt at writing with a heavy Scottish accent for several characters where a word like “ours” is written “oors” and “know” is “ken.” However he works the mystery really well and the suspense is carried into the very last pages. I was not terrified or overly stressed reading this book, I wouldn’t want to be, but I was engaged and interested to see how the characters made it through. There are some descriptions of attacks and dismemberment that will make the squeamish squirm, and as I said earlier, the language is occasionally course. But, if you have any “X-files” geekery in your blood, you might really enjoy this one.

OK. Here’s the last bit on this subject. The day after I read the book we got a promotional fax at the store and even though it may all be a great bit of promotional marketing, I think it’s still a fun idea and sort of hope it’s true. It seems that some college students not only found the remains of a dead deer while boating on Loch Ness, but they also found a dislodged tooth left in the carcass. You can see a picture of the tooth at the top of this post but you can also see the video they shot here. The tooth and a video are reported to have been confiscated from them by a local authority and a collective have raised funds to offer a $100,000 reward for return of the tooth. From there, check out the video of the mysterious tracks found by another Loch visitor. Like I said, it’s easy to see all sorts of holes in this, but it’s fun (if irresponsible) to speculate!